Vacation from life....

I am tired of living for everyone else. Even breaking it down to a handfull I am still spread thin. "Being there" for everyone else is good, knowing that I help take care of the ones I love. When it comes to cash in the stock i have built though.. I realize what my place is. When my hard work and sacrafice doesn't equal my expectations it makes me feel like an employee in my own life and those others are the "board of directors" in my life. its so fucked, and i don't know how to be happy. Being a grown up sucks, and I have made alot of bad decessions for me, but at the time were the right decesions for 'us'. US being the small crew of people that I love. I hate what my life has become.
I wish I had me as a friend. I would so cheer me up.I feel like I have worked so hard to be great at everything and have given it all away and kept none for myself. Its hard work always being the funny and interesting fellow in your life. It's a constant struggle to always put a good spin on Everything. I realise I am someone that I want in my life. I am constantly trying to be the best son, boyfriend, employee, friend and human and putting everthing I have into everyday for everyone. I keep none for myself and don't know how to change.       
When I do take time out to enjoy my friends and family I get looked at as selfish or something along those lines. (self-centered, asshole, etc..) So, yeah, this is the life I live and wish it on no one.. I am tired of being on the clock.I feel like a tool that has been worn down to the handle. Chewed up and spit out and moved on. When I am beneficial maybe I won't be a burden, no longer a guest that has overstayed its welcome.

Tennessee Royalty

copyright pending
She is a Nashville Queen , a Tennessee Princess
a straw hat for a crown , I must confess
She was made for me...
and I live for her

She has a tall pickup truck , pianted in pink
most guys dont know what to think
But I know
She's one of a kind..

She is Tenness Royalty and she's all mine..

She drinks draft beer and loves my favorite football team
when we go to a game ,she cheers louder than me
And I'd be damned..if she 'aint a bigger fan

She is Tennessee Royalty and I'm her man..

****
We're lake side all night,lovin life
Nothin like Percy Priest at sunrise
I thank God every monin that she's my wife
We cheers with a beer and a glass of wine
****
I bought her diamonds on our first anniversary
She bought me a new lazy boy and a big screen tv
if it was up to me, she'd be winnin woman of the year

She's Tennessee Royalty that much is clear..
Tennesse Royalty.. and she loves ME..

copyright pending



So I wrote this song/poem a while back and it was being scouted by some record labels. I really loved the premise of meeting someone that you have literally been dreaming about in those lucid fantastical dreams, you know the ones you don't want to wake up from. So, I thought I would share it with the world.

In my Dreams by Atlas Johnson

I walked up to her and I asked her name. I spent all night playing the guessing game.
Where I knew her from was on the tip of my tongue, and it hits me like a heart attack where I knew her from....

~ We were laying down in a meadow and watched the clouds pass.
Spent all night tryin' to make that bottle of champagne last
We laughed at the shapes they made as we poured another glass..
with all the smiles and such the day went by too fast...
We watched the sunset as the blue sky turned pink.
You laid your your head on my chest as if to hear my heart sing.
Singin Love songs it slowed down 'cause I believe..
that one day I would find this girl in my dreams...
....In my dreams...

So I bought her a drink and introduced myself. She said 'Boy that may work on somebody else.'
She said "but that's quite alright" as she pulled out a chair. and "your more than welcome if you would like to sit there"....

*And I didn't tell her 'cause I knew how it would seem,
How would I react if someone told me....

~Last night we were lovin' life in a hot air balloon ride,
Snuggled up you were holding on real tight
I tried all night to get you to open your eyes..
You said No because we were up to high..
So we came down right on the beach...
Walked the shore line, the ocean splashing our feet.
Then I played guitar for you until we fell asleep..
Your still in my Dreams

* I finally said " Girl, I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I know everything about you
'cause I haven't gone a week this year and had a dream without you"....

~We were on the slopes out in Colorado
You were making angels in the fresh powder snow
How we got there I just don't know
You were getting cold, so we head home...
So I made a fire in our old fireplace.
I watched your cheeks blush as it warms your face.
You whisper softly that you love me.....
I love these Dreams.. oh how I love these Dreams.

Hope you enjoyed :)

Heads or Tails

Do you ever really win a coin toss when you choose between two options? Seriously, choosing between two extreme options in your life by flipping a coin can be hazardous but sometimes is needed. The fact that you choose to flip a coin, you narrowed it down to 2 possible options, and assume that you would be happy whichever side it lands, tells me you are either in a really good or really unhappy situation in your life. Of course, I am self analyzing, as I am the one flipping the coin.

I have been known to be a bit indecisive at times but

Never Last

I have known myself my whole life but I feel that I find out something new everyday. Don't get me wrong, I am steadfast in my character and integrity, but I realise that sometimes I get in a rut or in a bubble and don't know it. I am tired of it. History repeats itself over and over again and I feel I am on the apex just before a fall. Well I am not going to let it happen..not without a fight. In a situation as this what other tactic can I use but to be directly contrary (in moderation?) to what is instinctive. It is a slippery slope I am sure but it has to start somewhere.