Vacation from life....

I am tired of living for everyone else. Even breaking it down to a handfull I am still spread thin. "Being there" for everyone else is good, knowing that I help take care of the ones I love. When it comes to cash in the stock i have built though.. I realize what my place is. When my hard work and sacrafice doesn't equal my expectations it makes me feel like an employee in my own life and those others are the "board of directors" in my life. its so fucked, and i don't know how to be happy. Being a grown up sucks, and I have made alot of bad decessions for me, but at the time were the right decesions for 'us'. US being the small crew of people that I love. I hate what my life has become.
I wish I had me as a friend. I would so cheer me up.I feel like I have worked so hard to be great at everything and have given it all away and kept none for myself. Its hard work always being the funny and interesting fellow in your life. It's a constant struggle to always put a good spin on Everything. I realise I am someone that I want in my life. I am constantly trying to be the best son, boyfriend, employee, friend and human and putting everthing I have into everyday for everyone. I keep none for myself and don't know how to change.       
When I do take time out to enjoy my friends and family I get looked at as selfish or something along those lines. (self-centered, asshole, etc..) So, yeah, this is the life I live and wish it on no one.. I am tired of being on the clock.I feel like a tool that has been worn down to the handle. Chewed up and spit out and moved on. When I am beneficial maybe I won't be a burden, no longer a guest that has overstayed its welcome.